You may wonder, why you should or should not believe on anything I have written in the blog. Truth, is it doesn't matter. I just write as it flows from my fingertips. It's better than echoing it in the mind and disappearing.
About myself.
I am a surgeon. Somewhere doing surgery on real people. Still, I am. I haven't quit my job. But it can be there as a viable option in the future. We all have to quit the life at some point, so it doesn't matter when. In a way I am in a perfect position to look at life. Perfect position as I have seen inside outs of human body. I find it all look the same. So, here I am writing about some personal perspectives of life. In a cohort of many surgeons, I find myself belonging to a unique category as I have always seen the life in a different perspective. Ever since I used to climb trees to get away from my mother's bitter syrup. I have seen the world from a bird's eye view. So, I think writing it down would help you to understand that unique perspective.
You may read more about Trees - on A tree top or the gentle Giant.
Here In this article, I would give some of my personal experience on human body and mind. These are true accounts. No lies at all. Some you may find it disturbing. So, little bit of warning here as I have to exactly describe how I felt. After all there are plenty of people who have watched "The Saw" movie series or "The wrong turn" They are more dramatic as real life.
In the morgue.
I can remember going into the morgue. If you have watched any medical detective TV series, you have seen bodies on table and autopsy being done. It is not a good experience for most of students. It can't be right? There are no beautiful lady forensic doctors doing some autopsy on a nice table with white coats. That is a lie made by the film makers. In my experience it went like this.
It was a gloomy place. Like a pig farm, (of course I have been to a slaughterhouse) smelly of formalin and other strong chemicals to keep the smell away. Yet, it was smelly. It is dark place with running water. Half of our medical group couldn't even physically stay inside as their bodies were rejecting the environment. They could not help it. I could feel myself nauseated inside. But We all saw autopsy being done.
lessons from Autopsy.
There were two bodies. One was a few days old swelled up body. Picked up from somewhere and brought by the police for the autopsy. I cannot exactly remember about the autopsy being done on this body except it was smelly. The second one I can remember another day. Police brought a lady who had jumped on to an oncoming train in a suicide attempt. Unfortunately, or fortunately, it was successful. I cannot remember the reason behind the suicide. She was a normal looking lady, in her twenties or thirties. Her skull was crushed by the heavy engine. And we saw the lethal wound had disfigured her head. Pieces of her brain was seeping through her cracked skull Just like and egg being crushed.
Can you imagine she being, well and living on a one moment and in a matter of second becoming a lifeless body? It makes me wonder what my life is like. Although my body seems to be strong, our bodies are not strong against forces of nature. There is nothing I can see to be proud of this fragile body. The body we value so much, we train with exercise every day to make it strong. But if you fall 10 stories, that is exactly what you will end up with, a dead crushed body. So, when I see people jump from mountains and other places. I wonder they have ever seen this fragile nature of our body. In par with exercise, we should avoid a fall.
Second, I have noticed is the body was not smelly. The body was not smelly at all like the first one, until they cut it open. Usually, every body is cut open inside the morgue and sometimes even the bowel is laid open to see contents. I can remember when her body was cut open some of the students ran away from the room as it was so bad. That was not the last time in my life that I have experience this phenomenon. We all look so nice when we are covered with our clothing and perfume. I am not at all against it. I like to look nice in front of the mirror. Yet sometimes I laugh at myself when I know what a nasty looking pile of garbage I am hiding inside this skin.
What have you learnt about life? Is it all good and soft, nice and dreamy? Or is it just a delusion?
I will end up here leaving you with final thoughts. Following is the exact point I wanted to emphasize in the book from the past to the future.
chapter from the book what is time.
Eight thousanders
K2 is one of the 14 eight-thousanders, which is the second highest mountain in the world and second only to Annapurna 1 as the deadliest mountain. One in four people have died in attempts to summit this deadly pyramid in Karakoram range in Pakistan, which has given the nickname ‘Savage Mountain’, not for the faint heart. Each year a few mountaineers attempt at the summit of this deadly beast and risk their own lives. It is not a simple endeavor even for the experienced as they have to survive harsh conditions and deadly challenges even to have a view of the mountain as it is so far away from human reach. Summiting this mountain is considered a great honor, although even for the most successful they have only a few minutes to spend on top of the world enjoying mesmerizing views, as more time they spend enjoying their success the more they risk as climbing up is only half the journey.
Death is more common, is honored, but each climber takes a gamble against nature. Sometimes they have to give up on lifelong friends on top of the mountain freezing to death as there is no way to help without risking their own life. An icefall, a slip of a foot, a change in weather and exhaustion can kill. Yet the hours spent in planning and challenges they face, what drives these brave men and women to conquer their fears? Are rewarded by the time that they spend on the summit.
Why is it less rewarding when the challenge has less risk to life? Why does it have to be the K2 rather than the village mountain, or top of your house, or top of your table, or your feet? Who gives the value to the K2 summit?
How many mountains do we have to climb? How many waterfalls do we have to see? How many lakes and parks do we have to visit? How many challenges do we have to face until we are satisfied?
Biggest mountains are created by mind.
Thank you for reading: In the morgue, a student's perspective.
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